Today I thought about class a lot. We don’t talk about class. And I think the reason we don’t is because we don’t have classes anymore. -- There was a time when people lived in a neighborhood and saw the same people every day. Keeping up with the Jones’ was no big deal in the neighborhood because the Jones’ made about the same amount of money you did. People were happy with what they had. -- Then came media, women in the workforce, and exposure to all manner of consumer goods that heretofore the Jones knew nothing about. It’s only human to want what you see. And the people from the neighborhoods were human, after all. -- I think the reason we no longer have classes is because we are all now members of the same class: the aspiring class. No matter how much you have, you aspire to have more, bigger, and/or better. In today’s helter-skelter economy, even those born on the lowest rungs of the socio-economic ladder may rightly aspire to the luxury car, the mac-mansion, and a Rolex watch. It does happen, after all. But, what is more likely is that as one inches up the economic food chain their hunger becomes greater, and then insatiable. -- I know a woman who says her hobby is shopping. Acquiring things makes her happy. So, one day I asked about the possessing the things, didn’t that bring happiness too? “No,” she said. “I just like acquiring.” This didn’t seem like any big deal to her. Obviously, I was stunned. Have we come to this? It’s as if our things are what give us value instead of the other way around. The very thing to which we have aspired has enslaved us. -- Makes me glad I’m poor.

Today I thought about how utterly pointless everything is. People here were lining up at grocery stores to buy their little dab of batteries and bottled water. Most likely we won’t even get much rain here. But, that didn’t impede the panic. And for what? So we can survive? So we can keep living? And if so, to what ends? I just don’t get it.

Today I thought about two seemingly unrelated conversations that I think actually bear remarkably on one another. Both these things happened Sunday:

1. Over lunch I told my friend about this children‘s prayer I‘d seen and paraphrasing it to her I said something like, “Oh Dear Lord… whatever, whatever…” Her only comment to me about this really darling prayer was that she didn’t like the designation “Lord.” Her partner does not like it either. Apparently many feminists do not like this designation for God. Shekina, Elohim, Adonai, even Yahwa are fine. But, Lord implies that God is more powerful than us, that we are subject to God, and might even be led to humbly bow down before God. Heavens to Betsy, we can’t have that! We must keep God manageable lest God should get out of control.

2. During Religious School my classmates were going on and on (and I do mean ad nauseum…) about the seemingly contradictory attributes of God. My classmates, fairly bright people, found this baffling. So, ever helpful, I suggested to them that we would do better to speak of that which God is not instead of trying to grapple with what God is. They ignored me. Then, after I’d had about all that decorum mandated me to tolerate, I said, “Don’t you think that anytime we anthropomorphize God we have missed the nature of God entirely?” And to this query I did get an answer. A very bright woman, Arabic scholar, university teacher, annoying but bright, she said to me, “No.” No? In other words, she feels quite able to talk about God. I was astounded. Really, just astounded.

So, today I was thinking about those two things. To my thinking, the notion that we can grasp even a part of God is just self aggrandizing. The God I know is so totally other that I am not comfortable slapping labels on God, saying which of God’s names are acceptable to me, evaluating the merits of God’s ways. Who am I to assess God’s ways as merciful or cruel? What could I possible know about it? How dare I?

And yet, it seems that many do. I am not sure what to make of that. Guess I’ll hang around and keep listening.

Today I mainly talked. Coincidentally, I don't think I did much thinking. Though I found myself very interesting conversationally.

Today I thought about Maria Callas a lot. She died on this day in 1977. I was only 14 years old. Listened to the Hamburg ‘59 in the car. I even got the bright idea to have a Maria Callas party. It could be a costume thing where we all dress as characters from Turandot, wonderful costumes in that, or Tosca, or Aida or gosh, I don’t know, a bunch of others. She was in everything. Someone could even dress up as Ari Onassis. It would be great! Then my friend brought me back down to Earth with “Who is Maria Callas?” -- I know that no one is an island but sometimes I feel like one.

Today I thought about how the title for today: "The Apodosis of the Nativity of Our Most Holy Lady the Theotokos and Ever-Virgin Mary" is such in length and grandeur that it rather belies the sweetness of it. For me, because I am not much of a Christian, I guess, it's not so much about giving back as it is about remembering the feast just past. A way to keep living in to the feast, the meaning of it, even though the day has past. Thought about that.

The Allure of Being Wanted

Today I have been thinking about the allure of being wanted. And, I am using the word allure deliberately because I want to put you in mind of a (fishing) lure which has to get the attention of a fish. Said fish is no doubt on some icthian errand or another, going about the pond or ocean or whatever. The lure has to get the fish’s attention and get the fish to turn aside from what it is doing and do something else, vis, swallow the lure. -- Back to the allure of being wanted.

Several months ago I decided not to tutor Hebrew next year, not to take the religious school offering for adults; but, instead, find for myself some Christian church that would have me. But later I got an email from my rabbi, then I talked to a friend from synagogue, and a few days after that I send an email back to my rabbi saying that I can’t wait to tutor again and that I am excited about the adult class.

Why the change, the total 360? It was the lure. They want me. Why force my way into some Christian church that doesn’t want me when I can just go where I AM wanted. It’s a lot easier. It’s alluring.

When I used to try to get people to volunteer for my Tiger Teams, which is not all that alluring work, I would take some off by themselves and say, “I really want you on my Tiger Team.” It was the allure of being wanted, I just didn’t figure it out until I was on the other side of the lure.

I can hardly resist the lure of being wanted. Other lures mean nothing to me. I can resist all manner of lures. But, the lure of being wanted… Reel me in…

Today I have been thinking about why I can not think about anything for more than a nanosecond. I am completely scattered. I want new meds now. Oh, and new health insurance would be ok too.

Today I thought about the Martyrs of New Guinea a lot. If it had been me... I don't know. Personally, I am not all that much on New Guinea. Never been there. Don't know anyone from there. I just don't have a connection to it. But, what if it were Austin? I'd leave these rednecks to suffer and die alone and I'd do all I could to save myself. Truly. In other places, times my answer would have been different. I've stayed. Been with people in hard places; bad marriages and worse divorces, through loss of houses and even children, in death a lot. I've stayed with communities in hard times, financial mainly. The betrayal of a leader. I'm a stayer. But my connection to Austin and the people here is no more than my connection to New Guinea.

Today I am thinking about the martyrs of New Guinea, how they stayed with their new friends despite the near guarantee of death.

And, I also thought about those who stayed to give aid during the hurricane last week.

Just thinking about that.