I’ve been thinking about waiting.

I think there’re two kinds of waiting. The kind that involves time and the kind that involves uncertainty.

When I do have to wait, as in chronological waiting, I usually just wait. If it’s in traffic I will sometimes turn off and take another route but I don’t often honk my horn unless someone pisses me off. Then I honk. But, over all, waiting in time doesn’t bother me much. Time is an illusion anyway. Why get so caught up?

Waiting in uncertainty is harder. Like waiting to find out whether or not you are pregnant, whether or not you are going to get that raise, if the tumor is malignant, the rumor true, whatever. Of course at some point you WILL find out the answer. Probably there’s no way to produce the answer sooner, or to change the answer once it’s known. Yet, this kind of waiting seems just about impossible for some people.

I have a friend who can’t wait. She goes directly from uncertainty to anxiety. She doesn’t wait. Says she can’t. It’s a disorder. I try to be understanding of this but I don’t really get it.

I have had to wait for something lately. Something important. Something I want to happen. It hasn’t. May not ever. In fact, I have very little hope of it but I still want it. Even pray for it.

But, instead of being a burden, I’ve started to see this time of waiting as a blessing. It’s where I speak to God of my belief in His providence, His love and care for me. I believe that God reconciles, forgives, heals. I don’t have any evidence to support that in this case but I believe it nonetheless.

I may have to wait for a long time to see how this turns out… if ever. And when it does turn out I think there is a very high probability that I won’t like too much the way it goes. But, though He slay me yet will I trust… and this opportunity to trust, no matter which way it goes, may be better than the thing itself.